Pepper, Vol. II
Because I'm feeling uninspired, and I don't have a full-length post for you:
- Recently I watched an interview with a very, very large Englishman who was competing in the World's Strongest Man competition, and while we generally think of these gentlemen as musclebound behemoths who only possess three neurons in their brains and are only capable of using two of them at a time, this dude actually seemed quite articulate. Which brings me to this question: if we asked an Englishman to read a transcript of some of Mike Tyson's comments, would he still sound intelligent?
- There was actually a dude named Marmaduke Hussey. I'm flabbergasted.
- At the driving range (on a Thursday afternoon at 2 PM... being unemployed has its perks), I was hitting near a pack of 10-year-old boys who were nearing the end of their respective buckets. One particularly vocal runt began to worry that he had fewer golf balls remaining than his colleagues, so he counted how many little white orbs remained for each of his friends. Upon completing the audit, he loudly wailed, "Everybody has more balls than I do!" Know the feeling.
- It's almost impossible to do push-ups or sit-ups while occupying the same room as a bored black lab.
- There's a new advertising campaign for either an insurance or financial services company in which an adult at some pivotal moment in his or her life is visited by a more elderly version of him- or herself. (I've been trying to find the commercials online, but to no avail.) So, for instance, a new father is admiring his child at the hospital when an older version of himself saunters up and starts talking to him. I swear to you, the first time I saw one of these commercials, I thought, "I would definitely get in a fistfight with an older version of myself." And, I'm a pacifist, for Christ's sake.
- Okay, so here's why I'd end up trading haymakers with an older version of myself. First, the Elder would make a jackass statement to the Younger about some mistake we made seven years ago, and then the Younger would ask the Elder when he last got any action. (Because that's the thing about arguing with an older version of yourself... you'd know where to put the dagger.) Eventually, someone would call the other one a d-bag and then we'd drop the gloves. If I had to choose, I'd probably put my money on the Elder in that fight, as he's likely to have more latent anger than the Younger.
- The previous two items might be construed in some circles as a cry for help, but I happen to think otherwise.
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